Writing for one's self

"Viola"'s " i'm like a dragonfly" blog has a wonderful quote from Cyril Connolloy

"Better to write for yourself and have no public
than to write for the public and have no self".

Given that Viola and Andris are my only followers, I am likely happily writing for myself. And I felt I needed to admit somethings somewhere...

Today is a funny day. Yesterday at church someone asked me if I was OK; I said I just don't deal with heat well. Is that it? Today is hotter and I am even less "here". As I am writ ting for myself, I'll admit that I have done very little today but get up, feed cats, walk Barney just to the landing (he didn't want to go further) then sleeping again until noon. I worked a bit on the computer, watched Dr Phil and Oprah ... and only watched those shows because what I really wanted to do was go back to bed.... That is not good. In a few days I should be going back to work.

Oprah asked Simon Cowel (sp?) about his moodiness - and he admitted to black moods. She asked why is he depressed, since he seems to have it all - and he said he can't explain it, just knows it is so. He also said that if he is not feeling up, he thinks that it is worse to paint a fake smile on his face rather if he is sad, be depressed - eventually it'll pass.

Well - that is where I am now. And yet I feel incredibly guilty. There is sooooooooooooooooo much to do around the inside and outside of the house. Usually when Andris is away, this is the time I do this sort of stuff. And yet - after watching 2hrs of TV, I am back at the computer, not doing house stuff. And not moving... I could go back to sleep again.....

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And if this were to be my last day (no worry - I'm not suicidal - I just mean some unforeseen accident) what would I have to say for my life?

Being with a group of people last night celebrating someone's birthday, as well as going to a funeral home earlier in the day for someone who died from cancer, but apparently was at great peace, gave me the opportunity to hear about people who others see as great role models, inspirations. Andris was also mentioned as being someone to emulate for his joy and sense of gratitude - and I agree. But can I express that or do it?

No.