Jealousy

The green eyed monster - isn't that the other name? What if I have green eyes? Ok - green-grey...

Andris and I went to see a play yesterday in Burnstown - for all people in the valley, a wonderful village (?) to drive to, stop in, and drive from... for artists, artisans, great food and phenomenal coffee and teas. "Neat" is in what used to be in the old one-room school house (that for several years in the more recent past was an antique store Fiorella's) and is now owned by Adam and Kim McKinty and is THE place for coffee and teas and specialized foods, local produce etc. However they also have concerts (Andris saw the Proclaimers in the summer in this tiny but great venue) and one woman on staff has, among other "hats" started a production company for short plays. The first was "Jocasta" and this time "Dear Mrs Martin"....

Ever since my foray onto "the boards" and leaving them , deciding to go for some kind of steady (even if minimal) income over what my heart would have wanted to follow (where I no longer had the income to pay for the bills) although the stage is part of me, I often leave the theatre feeling strangely disconcerted.

We all know the many variations on the joke " how many "x" does it take to screw in a light bulb?" Well, for actors the answer is "One; everyone else says that they could have done it better!" Unfortunately, that is where the jealousy comes in. I doubt that I could have done it better, but rather than simply enjoying the evening, I feel myself taking a critical eye and thinking that "something should have been tightened" or wonder "why was the direction done to highlight that", or ....

Jealousy - but not ambition. I could never have started a production company as did this woman .... And would I now have the guts to get back on the boards? I doubt it. It is much easier to be jealous when you don't have to do something to prove yourself.